Friday, June 16, 2006

Subject: Retirement doesn't have to boring. ...

Got this e-mail . . .

Date: Thu 15 Jun 17:02:54 CDT 2006
From: d
Subject: Retirement doesn't have to boring. ...
To: just us this time


Retirement does not have to be boring.
Here's some ideas a lady was told her husband was doing while she was shopping.
Maybe you could try some of these while [Mrs. J.] is browsing the store.




Dear Mrs. Toombs,

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Elbert Toombs has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores.

We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr.Toombs have been compiled and are listed below.

Mr. Wally Zimbrowski,
Wal-Mart Complaint Department MEMO

Re: Mr. Elbert Toombs - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Toombs has done while his spouse/partner is shopping:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of pineapple juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks why can’t you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose. 10. November

10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look” using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he asumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!" (And; last, but not least!)

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

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